


All Time Low

by Marmeladeskies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ANGST in all caps, Angst, I usually hate songfics, Kind of a songfic, M/M, Revenge Sex, The Incident, angsty af, classroom fucks, i'm in wolfstar hell, what happened, who would have thougt, yeah okay it's a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9697607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmeladeskies/pseuds/Marmeladeskies
Summary: I try to hide it but now you know itThat I’m at an all time low.---“I could have killed him, Sirius.” Remus doesn’t scream this time, his voice breaks in the end of the word, and Sirius feels like a hit dog, smirk long gone from his face.It’s the last thing Remus says to Sirius in a long time.---A story about betrayal and loneliness.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Acehardy3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acehardy3/gifts).



> Written because I had "All Time Low" by Jon Bellion stuck in my head for a whole weekend and it gave me really angsty wolfstar feels. So now you get to suffer with me.

Remus has never felt more betrayed. And to make matters worse, it’s Sirius who was the one who did it.  
“I could have killed him!” And it doesn’t matter that it’s Snape, because what matters is that Sirius risked so much just for an elaborate prank. A sadistic, perverted prank that could have ended with blood. It didn’t, but that doesn’t make it much better. Snape now knows Remus’ secret, and that’s almost as bad.  
“I could have killed him, Sirius.” Remus doesn’t scream this time, his voice breaks in the end of the word, and Sirius feels like a hit dog, smirk long gone from his face.  
It’s the last thing Remus says to Sirius in a long time.

\---

In the beginning, Sirius tries to win Remus back. He tries to talk to him, but Remus doesn’t respond. He leaves chocolate. The next morning, it’s still there, untouched.  
One day, about a week after the incident, Remus is reading in his bed when Sirius comes into the dormitory. Remus doesn’t even look up.  
“Hey.”, Sirius greets him, a hopeful smile on his face. At least Remus hasn’t left the room already. He doesn’t get anything back.  
Remus just sticks his nose deeper into his book and tries hard to ignore the awful pain in his stomach.  
Right when he is about to relax again, something cold and wet on the back of his hand startles him. The big black dog is nudging him, pressing its soft snout into Remus’ hand, whimpering softly, wagging its tail. Remus lowers his book and glares down at Padfoot. The dog yips, wagging its tail more, crouching happily. Remus sits up on the bed, long legs dangling until his feet touch the ground. Padfoot gives another whine and then drops to the ground goofily, rolling onto his back, sticking his paws into the air and looking at Remus with hope in his dark eyes.  
Remus leans forward, sticks out a hand-  
And then he pulls is back in, stands up and leaves the dorm with quick steps. 

Sirius stays on the floor, arm draped over his face, tears dripping from his eyes into his hair until James finds him like that. 

\---

Remus feels cold inside, and not even Lily can make him happy, even if she’s the closest thing to a best friend he has, apart from Sirius. But if he’s honest, Sirius has been so much more than just a best friend lately, and that’s why it feels like there’s a gaping hole in Remus’ chest. Lily is sweet and they talk and study together. Of course Lily doesn’t know what happened, but she knows Remus and Sirius had a fight. She also knows that Remus is gravely unhappy without Sirius and the other marauders, but she tries to stay out of it. Well, until Sirius tries talking to Remus over breakfast, desperately, in front of the whole house, because maybe if there are other people around, Remus surely won’t just ignore him? And Lily snaps at him and tells him off, and Sirius snaps back at her and then James tries to defend Lily and that’s how Sirius and James end up fighting.  
Sirius doesn’t go to class that day and instead smokes cigarette after cigarette on the roof.

\---

Remus is huddled into an armchair close to the fire opposite of Lily, both of them reading, when the portrait hole swings open and in come James and Peter, dragging a very drunk Sirius with them, murmuring unintelligible. Lily puts her hand on Remus’ as he bites his lower lip until it bleeds.

\---

Sirius gets into fights.  
He seeks them, even, because having his nose punched bloody by Goyle at least makes him feel. He sneers at Regulus at any chance he gets, and even Malfoy, who is in 7th year, falls victim of Sirius’ reckless behaviour. Sirius, more often than not, draws the shorter stick in the end, because even if he’s a good wizard and good with his fists when it comes to that, he can’t win when it’s three against one.  
He bumps his shoulder hard into Snape’s one day. “Get out of my way, Snivellus.” And Snape just turns around, a snide smirk tugging at his lips. And then Sirius heart drops to his stomach when he remembers that Snape knows, and that he could tell anyone at any time. And he wants to punch himself, because he is so stupid, because he is still daft enough to risk Remus’ entire life even more just because he can’t think before he acts one fucking time. 

\---

It’s been a month since, and now’s the full moon, and this time, it’s only James and Peter and Remus, and the wolf hurts himself even more than usual. Remus wakes with the worst pain he’s had in a long time, and it turns out that his shin is broken. It takes two days in the hospital ward to grow it back to its old form, and Remus spends most of that in a haze. When he wakes up in the morning of the third day, there is a stack of chocolate on his nightstand, with no note. But Remus knows who it is from.  
And even though he feels guilty about it, he opens the first bar immediately.  
Sirius gives him a hopeful look when Remus walks into the common room that evening. And Remus looks at him as well, and he knows he can’t do this yet. He’s not ready for forgiving Sirius, because he still feels the hot singe of anger in his stomach, and the disappointment when his brown eyes meet Sirius’ grey ones. 

Sirius drinks so much that night that he ends up vomiting up everything he’s eaten in the whole day. 

\---

Remus gets used to being alone.  
If it just wasn’t so lonely. 

There’s Lily, yes, and the other girls. They are nice, really, but Remus misses guy friends.  
Well, there’s Regulus.  
They’ve been doing prefect rounds together lately, and Regulus has grey eyes like Sirius’ and they dart over Remus’ body when they talk and letting himself get carried away by that helps with the numbness.  
And it turns out Regulus isn’t even half the git he acts like when Sirius is around, and they actually get along quite well. Regulus is soft spoken and tidy and they talk about classes and homework on their rounds, and eventually, they talk about more than that, and then Remus notices that he’s sad when their prefect rounds are over. 

\---

It seems like these days, Sirius is drunk more often than sober. And even though Remus knows it’s a front he puts up to hide behind it, his heart throbs when he comes into the common room one night to find Sirius in the middle of what seems like an impromptu party with firewhiskey, a girl on his lap. Remus doesn’t even look who the girl is. He turns around on his heels and leaves.  
He wanders around the castle aimlessly. The moon is half full and the tugging in his bones is becoming worse again.  
“Remus?”, a soft voice behind him says, and Remus turns around to find Regulus, whose face looks white and pretty in the soft moonlight, and in that moment Remus knows.  
Their mouths crash together and Regulus doesn’t pull back like Remus had half expected, instead he gives a muffled moan and then his hands are digging into the wool of Remus’ jumper, tugging him down.

They fuck in an empty classroom.  
Regulus is what Remus needs, he gives him what he’s been longing for, what helps ignore the hole in his chest and when Regulus bends over and is only illuminated by the moon Remus doesn’t think of Sirius. And when Regulus spreads his legs a little further and Remus runs his hands up the Slytherin’s thighs, he doesn’t wonder if Sirius’ thighs would be just as soft. And when he pushes into Regulus and Regulus moans into the crook of his own elbow, Sirius’ face does not pop into Remus’ mind with every thrust. And when Regulus huffs out his name softly, and sounds so much like his brother, it makes Remus come, but of course it has nothing to do with Sirius.

Remus is the one to sneak into the dorm that night. And then he lies awake for hours, and thinks about betrayal.


End file.
